


Hands on Lessons

by faemouse



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: DADT, First Time, M/M, mild Dom/Sub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-15
Updated: 2010-04-15
Packaged: 2017-10-08 23:14:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faemouse/pseuds/faemouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Radar has questions. Hawkeye has answers. Radar really shouldn't be asking these kinds of questions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hands on Lessons

" Um…Hawkeye, sir? Can I come in?"

" Radar? Yeah, sure, make yourself welcome."

" Er, ah, thanks. Um…where's Captain Hunnicut?"

" He's off playing doctor in Post-Op. Why?"

" Oh good! I mean, that's nice, ah, well…"

" Radar, what's eating you."

" Eh…well it's just I've got this problem, you see-"

" Oooh…those problems are nasty. They'll rip chunks of flesh the size quarters right out of your arm."

" No, it's not eating me…I just, well can I ask your advice?"

" Sure. It's not like I've got eighteen hours of sleep to make up. Sit down."

" Thanks."

" You want a drink?"

" No thanks, I…well. Maybe I will."

" Wow. This must be some problem. You've never accepted a drink from me before."

" I think I'm going to need it."

" Here ya go. One martini made with genuine lighter fluid – guaranteed to make any problem seem like nothing compared to your hangover in the morning!"

" Thanks."

" Okay, so what's the problem?"

" Well it's about Lt. Nugent."

" That cute nurse you've been dating for a week now?"

" That's the one. Ah, I think she wants something but I'm not sure I can give her that something if the something is what I think it is."

" Wow, that's really something."

" Aw, c'mon Hawkeye! I know you can help me, you got us together in the first place."

" We'll what's the issue, Radar? You come in here after eighteen hours of surgery asking me for help about something but you won't tell me what the something is except that it's a girl and she wants something."

" Well, we were in her tent, alone, and we were talking and listening to music, and ah, well we started to, er, that is to say, ah, we kissed –"

" Radar! You sly old dog! Did you slip her the tongue?"

" No! I mean, yes! I mean - but that's not the problem. We'd done that before!"

" You're growing up so fast."

" Will you just listen!"

" Sorry! Sorry…go ahead."

" Right. Well, we were kissing, and it was nice and all, but I think she wants, ah, more."

" More?"

" More."

" Well how much more? Does she want more kissing time or does she want to get in your pants?"

" The, um, last one, I think."

" How do you figure?"

" She touched me."

" What was that?"

" I said, she touched me."

" I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you."

" She touched me!"

" Well!…where?"

" Don't make me say it!"

" Oh come on, Radar! Your mother isn't here to wash your mouth out with soap."

" Fine! She touched my privates, licked my ear, and then I told her I'd forgotten to file some papers for Colonel Potter and came straight here!"

" What! Why? Do you want to remain a virgin your whole life?"

" No!"

" Then why'd you run?"

" I've never done this before! I don't know what to do! And besides, I've heard you and the other officers talking. This sounds really complicated! And…and what if I don't, er, last long enough?"

" Radar…oh hell."

" You see!"

" Okay, okay, sit down again and drink your martini. You haven't touched it."

" Yes sir."

" Okay, okay…geez, where to start. Ah, alright. I'm going to ask you some very personal questions, okay?"

" Yes?"

" Okay, ready? Alright…how long does it normally take you to come?"

" Huh?"

" How long does it take for you to ejaculate?"

" Oh! Well that's a stupid question! You already know I've never-"

" No, Radar. I mean when you touch yourself."

" I don't understand."

" My god, Radar, do I have to draw a picture?"

" You mean-"

" When you masturbate, how long does it take for you to come?"

" I…I, I've never, done that, sir."

" Christ almighty, I think you mean it."

" Well I am Catholic!"

" That explains a lot. Okay, here's what you do. Go back to your Lieutenant and tell her how sorry you are for running off, and that the good CO has swamped you with papers which need to be filed for tomorrow. Then, go back to your cot, turn on some music, maybe even light a few candles, and experiment. When you think you've got the mechanics down, find your Lieutenant again and jump her. You'll be fine; it's just like playing with tinker toys."

" Tinker toys?"

" Sure. Round peg in round hole, couldn't be easier. Just make sure you get it in the right hole."

" What?"

" Never mind. Goodnight, Radar."

" Ah…thanks Hawkeye."

" Any time…"

~*~*~

Hawkeye dropped an olive into his third martini and took a sip, enjoying the burn as the liquid traveled down his esophagus. He didn't envy BJ one bit; ten hours of surgery and then being assigned to post-op duty with Charles for the third night in a row…it was inhumane. Really, they'd have to talk to Potter about this.

Knock, knock, knock.

Right after he finished his martini and got some shut-eye.

"Captain Hawkeye, sir?"

So much for shut eye.

" Who/what/when/where/and why the hell now is it?"

" It's me."

" Well then, if it's me, you might as well come in." Hawkeye snapped, taking another sip as the door to the Swamp creaked open. The hunched over figure of Radar slipped in, closing the door behind him as quietly as he could. Hawkeye silently groaned…he should have known. Who else called him, 'Captain Hawkeye Sir'?

" Radar, what is it now?"

" Er, I'm sorry if I woke you up…"

" Oh no, not at all. Don't worry, I'm not nearly drunk enough to pass out yet."

" Um, well, I have a question."

" You usually do."

" It didn't work."

Hawkeye leaned back in his chair and sighed. He was entirely too tired and too sober for this.

" What didn't work, Radar?"

" Touching myself."

" What do you mean it didn't work?" Hawkeye asked, bewildered.

" I mean I did just like you said, for over an hour, and nothing happened!"

" Wait, wait, wait!" Hawkeye said, disbelieving, "You mean to tell me you masturbated for over an hour and nothing happened?"

" Well, yeah." Hawkeye burst out laughing.

" Radar, I don't think lasting long enough is going to be your biggest problem. You should worry more about getting it down, afterward." Radar was not amused, though.

" But nothing happened! I didn't even get hard! It just kind of…lay there. Like nothing was going on."

" Nothing happened?"

" Nothing."

" Not even one measly twitch?"

" No."

Hawkeye shook his head and drained the last of his martini. Maybe there were more than just nerves at the root of the problem; should Radar have a physical? If he were unable to stimulate himself and respond, there might be a far more serious issue…but then, it was probably best not to underestimate Radar's naivete.

" Radar…when you touched yourself, what exactly did you do?"

" I touched myself."

" Well yeah, but how?"

" Er…with my hand?"

" Christ, I mean did you squeeze? Did you rub, stroke, what? Give me something to work with, here!"

" Oh! Uh, well none of that, actually. I just touched myself." Hawkeye felt like strangling the kid. Honestly, how much more naïve could you get?

" That just might be your problem. You can't just hold it; you might as well be pissing. No, forget that; pissing would feel better."

" Well geez, there's no need for you to get like that! I've never done this before! I asked you for advice and I followed it. It's not like you showed me or anything!"   
Radar exclaimed, hands fisted and breathing heavily. Hawkeye was shocked at Radar's outburst; even under the most trying and embarrassing circumstances, Radar was calm – at the very most agitated. But then, this was an exceptionally embarrassing and stressful situation, and Hawkeye hadn't done a very good job of telling Radar what needed to be done. Hawkeye snorted. Maybe he should show Radar exactly what he meant.

Oh.

_Oh._

Hawkeye's smirk dropped off his face quicker than you could say horrible, terrible, bad fucking idea. Said idea did not go away, though. Rather, it started to dance around in Hawkeye's head in the form of a very clear image of Radar with his pants around his boots, gripping his own cock while Hawkeye told him exactly how hard and when to come.

Oh, _fuck no_!

" Hawkeye?" Hawkeye shook his head and looked back up at Radar. His angry expression had been replaced with a confused and slightly worried one, and Hawkeye cleared his voice.

" Ah, yeah?"

" Is everything okay."

" Yeah, I'm just fine."

" Are you sure? Was it something I said?" Hawkeye closed his eyes and groaned as the image of Radar jerking himself off under his instruction popped back into   
mind. He should not be having thoughts like that - not ones about a boy young enough to be his son. He crossed his legs and prayed Radar would not notice the bulge in his pants, which had popped up for seemingly no reason.

" I'm sorry, it was something I said. I'm sorry for whatever…oh!"

Apparently he hadn't crossed them soon enough.

" Oh I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, captain! I shouldn't have said that! I'll just go now, sir. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry…" Radar was bright red and halfway out the door, but Hawkeye held up a hand and croaked,

" No, stop. It's okay." Radar paused and looked back.

" Really. You just…caught me by surprise, is all." Hawkeye said, pouring himself another martini. He was fully intent on forgetting this had ever happened in the morning.

" Um…well, okay." Radar closed the door again and sat down across from Hawkeye at the make-shift-crate-table.

" Here you go," Hawkeye said as he handed Radar a martini, "You never did drink the first one I gave you." Radar smiled a bit, and brought the drink up to his lips. Hawkeye watched as this kid's eyes went round and huge, and then started to cough. Hawkeye laughed and jumped up to take Radar's drink and pound him on the back. Radar wiped his eyes and wheezed,

" That stuff is horrible!" Hawkeye laughed.

" It grows on you." He smiled and rubbed soothing circles on Radar's back until his breathing got back to normal.

" Thanks." Radar half whispered, look ruefully at the martini glass. He took a deep breath, as if steeling himself for something bad, and then asked,

" Will you?" Hawkeye paused, his hand still resting on Radar's back, confused.

" Will I what, grow on you?"

" No. Will you show me?"

Hawkeye was suddenly very aware of how hot Radar felt underneath his hand, almost feverish. If it weren't almost three in the morning, Hawkeye suspected he would see a scarlet blush ghosting across his neck and cheeks. That shouldn't turn him on. He should make some joke about getting his Lieutenant friend to help him, but instead Hawkeye brought his other hand up to rest on Radar's shoulder with a squeeze.

" Will I show you what?" Hawkeye asked, praying to every deity he did and did not believe in that Radar was asking for something else.

" Will you show me how to touch myself?" Radar answered, voice soft and uncertain. Hawkeye let out a shaky breath.

" I –"

" Please?" Hawkeye groaned and strode around so he was facing Radar.

" Stand up." He commanded. Radar obeyed instantly, standing up so he was almost chest to chest with Hawkeye. Hawkeye swallowed, thickly. He brought his hands up to Radar's shoulder, and then let them fall to the waist of his fatigues. Radar's eye were wide and locked onto Hawkeye's gaze as if for dear life.

" Are you sure?" Hawkeye asked, fiddling with the sip. Radar closed his eyes and nodded.

Hawkeye pushed the pants button out of the hole, pulled down the zipper, and jerked Radar's fatigues down off his hips in one fluid motion. The army issue trousers pooled around Radar's ankles, just as Hawkeye had imagined they would, to reveal white briefs stretched tautly over an unmistakable erection. He cupped the hardness in his hands, and smiled at Radar's sharp inhalation.

" Oh! I didn't think…"

" Shhh." Hawkeye shushed the young corporal. He moved his hands to Radar's hips and hooked his thumbs over the elastic band, and pulled down slowly, allowing time for Radar to tell him to stop. The shorter man didn't protest thought. He just reached up to grasp Hawkeye's lean arms and leaned his forehead against his chest. Hawkeye brought his hand back, firmly grasped Radar's cock at the base, and pulled up.

" H-Hawkeye!"

" Didn't think to try that?" Hawkeye asked, repeating the motion. Radar shook his head no, face scrunched up and cheeks most definitely flushed. Hawkeye grinned and flicked his thumb over the slit, slick with pre-come, and Hawkeye had to catch Radar when he cried out and his knees buckled.

" Oh god…" Hawkeye turned Radar around so they were back to chest, with Radar leaning against him and he leaning against the central post of the tent. Hawkeye took the time to spit in his hand, and then went back to his ministrations. Radar's head fell against his shoulder, mouth shaped in a perfect 'oh', gasping. Each little jerk of Radar's hips rubbed up against Hawkeye's own erection, and christ; he'd done things a lot less innocent with some of the nurses of the 4077th, but here he was, rubbing himself against Radar's hip with his hand full of boy cock and near ready to explode.

" Hawkeye, I'm…I, oh god oh god oh god…" Radar's hips jerked wildly, and Hawkeye wrapped his arm around Radar's waist, pinning him against him as his hand milked jets of translucent white from Radar's twitching cock. The young corporal grimaced and pressed his face into Hawkeye's neck, riding out the waves of his orgasm until he went rigid, and then collapsed as dead weight in Hawkeye's arms. Hawkeye just held him up, letting Radar's warm weight anchor him to the world.

" Wow." Radar's voice was rough and thick and muffled in Hawkeye's neck.

" Don't mention it." Hawkeye murmured. He pulled up Radar's underwear for him, tucking him neatly inside, before Radar bent down to pull up his own pants. Radar did the clasp and turned back to Hawkeye, unsure what to do.

" I…"

" Really, don't mention it."

" I won't." Hawkeye laughed; it was all he could do, and leaned his head against the post.

" Um, sir. You're still…ah, that is, you haven't, er…" Hawkeye snorted.

" Don't worry about me, Radar. I can take care of myself."

" I know, but you helped me so…"

" Go on, Radar. Go find your nurse and show her what you leaned today."

" I…but…well alright." Radar sighed and walked to the door.

" Goodnight, Hawkeye." He said as he exited the door.

" Goodnight, Radar."

Hawkeye slowly moved over to his bed and collapsed upon it, throwing his arm over his face. After a few deep breaths, he held up his other hand, still covered in semen, and groaned.

Yes, he thought as he undid his fly, I'll be taking care of myself for a good, long while.

~*~*~

" Captain?"

Hawkeye looked up from a medical chart as he made his rounds in post-op and devised cruel and unusual ways to kill Colonel Potter. This was the second night in a row; no wonder BJ had been in such a pissy mood when he'd gone through the same thing. Take that back; he didn't care about killing Potter. He was going to kill Charles just as soon as the man came back from his R&amp;R. One day? Fine. Three days? Sure. Six? Rusty spoons and no anesthesia popped into mind.

"Radar?" Hawkeye asked, genuinely surprised. Where had his nurse gotten off to?

" I told her Colonel Potter wanted to talk to her. Can I ask you something?" Hawkeye looked back down at the chart,

" Some how every time you ask me that, we start discussing topics that are strictly against army regulations." Hawkeye replied, hanging the clipboard on a hook and bending down to examine a bandage.

" I know, it's just that-"

" How are things between you and the Lieutenant?" Hawkeye cut him off.

" Huh? Oh, um, well that's the problem."

" What now?" Hawkeye asked.

" We broke up." Hawkeye rubbed the bridge of his nose. Once again, entirely too tired and too sober.

" Why?" He asked.

" Her hands were too small."

Hawkeye's hand fell to his side as he stood up to look at Radar. The corporal was still standing in the doorway with a look of intense fear and hope on his face. Hawkeye swallowed, hard.

" Her hands were too small?"

" Um, yeah. And, I'm not quite sure I understand what to do, yet." Hawkeye sat down on an empty bed and ran his hand through his hair.

" Will you help me?" Radar asked. Hawkeye paused, and then nodded.

" Come here." He commanded.

And Radar came.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted over at mash_slash on livejournal under the penname diseased_mango.


End file.
